it's been four months since we broke up...since you broke my heart when you brought that ugly mf of a chinese boy dancer-wannabe. it broke my heart when you lied to me the night before you wanted to break up. What was all that bullshit about? The reassurance that our tommrow will come. then you brought this boy home to our love nest and humiliate me by shouting at me in front of him. You let him into our home and let him shout back at me and then lie around on our bed whilst i struggled to pack my things so i could get out of the house. You brought him back when i was sleeping in the living room. How vindictive could you be? You knew he fucked my gay friend before and you would let his ass-dipping cock into you? you probably have fucked him on our bed. that night that i went nation03 at sentosa...when i came back home early in the morning and the door was locked from the inside...you never locked the door from the inside before.
you know, i expected a lot more class from you samantha...the angel i kissed every morning before i went to work...the reason why i looked forward to every evening....
when i saw you tonight at mox grrrls night...i was just taken aback. i prob hyperventilated. i couldn't understand why you came here to a lesbian night when clearly you wanted to turn straight back. you were sitting at the bar talking with misha (my estranged dearest lesbian friend) and this butch who looks totally like a man. perhaps that is more your style but there you sat chatting to shim in spite of "ew-ing" at her before. i just had to walk out of the room. i can't stand a hypocrite.
you put on a fine performance time after time....i applaud you but i also want to release you from this hold you have on me....goodbye sam
am gonna tender my resignation today. though i have no new job in hand, i must make a stand. haven't been happy with this job for the past 1.5 years and it's destroying me...eating me up...losing my soul and joie de vivre...gotta get it all back by giving this job up. it pays me well but it gives me no self affirmation and sense of achievement...i want my soul back and joy in life...i want to stride with my head held high
what price would people pay for a piece of ego...stardom?
have been working for this international talent scouting organisation and it looks like the scam reports about them have been catching up. and it's true...they have psyched all staff to believing that everyone deserves a chance at modelling even if they had bad teeth, skin and no looks to start off with. yeah and i have joked about the ones with the ears.
tried "interrogating" my colleague...one of the pioneers like me and as i watched her stutter and try to grab at straws to explain it to me, her nervousness and inconsistency just amazed me that she was still tryin to caboodle me. i am ashamed to be a part of this but i had to stick to this job to survive...but now with news of 60 of our US offices shuttin down and haven't been paid for last month and no view of this month's pay in sight as well...i am on a financial tightrope and the stress is getting to me.
holding on fervently to the words that has kept me goin at other times...
"That which does not break me can only make me stronger."
